Feeling distant and disconnected in any relationship can be painful.
That pain becomes magnified when people:
- Interrupt each other when eager to get their point across rather than listening with understanding and compassion.
- Complaining, criticizing, blaming and shaming each other which fosters a negative communication environment.
- Give more attention to what they are feeling about being stuck in their frustrations and conflict rather than doing something about it to either to dissolve, resolve or manage the situation more effectively.
If any of the symptoms of the pain of feeling distant and disconnected have got you stopped dead in your tracks, then here’s how to get past each of them fast.
PAIN POINT #1:
“Interrupting each other rather than listening
with understanding and compassion.”
Not listening with curiosity and compassions leads the person speaking to go into “survival mode”, by defending their point of view because they are not feeling heard.
One way to alleviate this pain for the other person is to listen fully by being present and curious about what is being said. This is easier said than done when the listener is not feeling heard or understood.
“Complaining, criticizing, blaming and shaming partner which provides a negative image to spouse or partner as a source of frustration”
Causes this pain because the other person feels attacked and demeaned.
One way to avoid inflicting this pain on another is to turn the complaint into a request of what is wanted, why it is wanted, when it is wanted and how. The listener has the choice granting the gift. However, the likelihood of receiving is elevated by this, more effective approach.
“Focusing more on the problem than the solution.”
When anyone keeps their attention on just the problem, the pain exacerbates. This is because the person has tunnel vision on that focus and consequently has blind spots to any other possibilities, like a solution
One way to reduce this pain is to change the focus to explore the possibilities for a different and more effective outcome.
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